


Jacob Two-Two and the Mechanical Misery

by Katiebug586



Series: Jacob Two-Two and the Anthology Album [8]
Category: Jacob Two-Two - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Forced Fusion, Fusion, Greedyguts gets what he deserves, Robotization, Robots, Which is to say a long pipe in the face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug586/pseuds/Katiebug586
Summary: Greedyguts goes too far.
Relationships: Jacob/Buford (Platonic), Jacob/Buford/Renee (Platonic)
Series: Jacob Two-Two and the Anthology Album [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1549141
Kudos: 2





	Jacob Two-Two and the Mechanical Misery

It had all happened so fast, poor Jacob didn’t know what to think or do to even _begin_ to remedy the situation. Was there even a remedy for this whole mess? Maybe, maybe not, but Jacob was starting to lean towards the hopeless latter. _How did everything go so wrong?_

Well, actually, he knew _exactly_ how everything went wrong. It was all because of _Greedyguts,_ one of the worst and demonic people Jacob ever had the pleasure of meeting. It all happened during a seemingly normal school day, which would turn out to be anything but. For the time being, it was the usual, Jacob and Buford would crack jokes with one another and Renee would sometimes add in her own thoughts or complaints.

Then the bell rang, signaling lunch. Jacob got up from his seat, preparing to walk to the cafeteria with his two best friends in tow. Unfortunately, it seemed that life had other plans, along with Buford, who also had other things to do.

“Aren’t you coming?” Jacob asked, turning to look at Buford.

“Oh, yea! I’ll catch up with you guys!” The boy responded, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I just gotta do something for someone first.”

“What is it, what is it?” Jacob was intrigued, childlike curiousness simply begging to know what his friend needed to do beforehand.

“They said it was top-secret! Isn’t that cool, Jake? I get to be like a spy or something!” That only increased Jacob’s curiosity, along with a hint for concern. Top-secret? Hmm, something felt fishy, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“Zey? Who’s _zey?”_ Renee asked, bringing light to a question that Jacob himself didn’t bother to think about, let alone even ask.

“I don’t really know, to be completely honest. I just got this note in my locker this morning!” Buford pulled out a crude and hardly readable note, showing it to the two. In fact, it was so poorly written that the only words that Jacob could make out were ‘11 O’Clock’ and ‘Top-secret’.

“Are you sure about this, Buford?” This still seemed incredibly suspicious and Jacob was determined to make his friend see how dubiously off this whole thing was. “What if it’s all a trick? A trick?!”

“Well, I never thought about it like that, I suppose. It reminds me of this one time where my Uncle Terance spent his whole life savings helping out an exiled prince in Africa. He never did hear back from him, could this be like that?”

Renee let out a sigh. “While Jacob is justifiable in his concern, zis does seem rather doubtful, I’m also quite positive zat nozing _zat_ bad can happen besides a few meanspirited pranks. Just go and do whatever you need to do, we’ll be waiting and also willing to beat up anybody who has done you wrong, mon ami.”

“Renee!” Jacob chided. Was encouraging violence really the appropriate response in this situation?

“What? Are you really going to sit back and let a bunch of bullies abuse and use poor gullible Buford for zeir own gain? At least the target is in punching and kicking range, unlike his pitiful uncle.”

Now it was Jacob’s turn to sigh. She was right, Buford didn’t deserve to be manipulated like that, but at the same time, beating up people felt wrong. It probably was how he was raised, but he always preferred to talk things out instead of using brutality to solve problems.

“You know I can hear you, right? Besides, I don’t consider myself gullible! I just have a tendency to believe everything that I’m told!”

Jacob and Renee simply stared in response, trying to comprehend the sheer amount of obliviousness that Buford Orville Gaylord Pugh held in his fun-sized brain.

“Well, I gotta go, see you guys at the cafeteria, you know, If I’m not done by the time lunch ends!”

“Of course, Buford, of course.”

\------

Lunch came and went, but there was no sign of Buford anywhere. Jacob eyed the cafeteria, looking for his best buddy, though he couldn’t see his friend anywhere. He was a bit distressed, though he couldn’t really understand why, and hardly paid attention to Wilson and Dushane trying to see how many olives they could fit in Quigley’s mouth. It was a sight he would usually be amused by, but now he simply couldn’t care. Maybe that was because Buford was usually with him during these silly moments, but right now the guy was too busy with whatever he had to do. Too bad, Jacob would just have to tell him after the fact.

“Where is he?” He muttered, looking at Renee. “I figured he would be here by now, maybe we should go look for him, what do you think?”

“Well, I zink you should finish your food before it gets cold.” She said, pointing to the pizza sitting in front of Jacob, entirely uneaten. “Buford will be fine, he’s just busy, zat’s all.”

“But with what, with what?!” Jacob already _knew_ the answer, that it was something _‘top-secret’_ , but still, he just wanted an answer. However, the more he thought about it, another question came to mind. “Hey, where’s Greedyguts?”

There was an odd silence in the lunchroom as soon as he said this, and he knew Renee was beginning to share his concern. Was Greedyguts behind this? Was Buford in danger? Usually, Greedyguts was at the lunch line, grabbing a whole turkey and taking it to his office, but today, he was nowhere to be seen, _just like Buford._ Maybe he was running late? But when was their principal _ever_ late for _food?_

“I… I don’t know. Zis _is_ getting more and more concerning, but I doubt it’s just a mere coincidence.”

“It can’t be a coincidence, Renee! Buford’s in danger, danger! We have to do something!”

“Hold your equines, Jacob. All we know is zat Greedyguts isn’t in ze cafeteria, and while zat may be tres suspect, it isn’t right to automatically assume he has somezing to do wiz Buford’s ‘top-secret mission’. For as we know, he could be completely innocent and we’d just end up getting into trouble for somezing completely pointless!”

“But what if he’s not, Renee? What if he’s not?”

“Hmm, zat is a good question. I guess we just wait and see, nozing else we really can do right now.”

Jacob nodded, despite every inch of his body begging him to check around and try to find his best friend.

All they could do was wait, it seemed.

\------

Jacob sat down at his desk, waiting for Buford to return, _but he never did._ The day passed by slowly and tension-filled, Jacob’s panic and concern increasing as the hours ticked on. Where was Buford? Why wasn’t he back by now? At least school work took his mind off of it for a bit, dragging him back into the boring world of algebra and numerics.

Finally, the final bell of the day rang and Jacob shot up out of his seat, racing out of the door. Unlike most kids, he wasn’t going back home, not yet. He _had_ to find out what happened to Buford, even if his ‘top-secret’ mission was a ploy to get him out of school for some reason. But, that didn’t seem likely.

Wandering around the empty halls, he wondered where he should even begin his search. Thankfully, he would not have to ponder that question for much longer, as Renee ran up to him, looking rather distressed.

“Jake! Somezing _must_ have happened to Buford!”

“So _now_ you figure it out? Wonderful, absolutely wonderful.”

“I mean, I have actual proof zat somezing happened! Look!” She showed Jacob the invitation card from earlier, what was it doing here, where did she find it? Wasn’t it with Buford? “I found zis near the elevator, obviously somezing must have happened while he was zere!”

“Well, that’s a start, but the whole thing’s unreadable, unreadable! Buford was able to read it, but he’s not here!” Great, now they were at another dead end, and unless they could find someone _able_ to read it, there was nothing for them to go off of.

“Jacob, Renee! You gotta help me, I messed up _big_ time!” A voice called out to the two. Turning around, they noticed it was their science teacher, Mr. Moleculus, obviously stressed out over something.

“What’s wrong, Mr. Moleculus?” Jacob asked, wondering what was making him all worked up.

“Oh geez, how do I explain this? You’re probably going to hate my guts, but your friend, Buford, is in grave danger and it’s all my fault!”

“Quoi?! You’re ze reason Buford is missing? Jacob zought it was Greedyguts, serves him right for jumping to conclusions just like zat.”

Mr. Moleculus looked away, awkwardly. “Well, the truth is, it _was_ Greedyguts, I just still feel responsible for this whole thing. You see, a little while ago, he commissioned me to make him a machine, something which fuses the atoms of two things into one. I asked him why, but he said it wasn’t any of my business, but he would give me a raise. Of course, being that I hardly make enough money as is, I accepted it, like some kind of _fool._ I only learned about this when I overheard a conversation between Louse and Greedyguts involving the whole thing and how they’d get their revenge on _you,_ Jacob. I’d understand if you wanted to hate me now.”

“I don’t hate you, and neither does Renee! You didn’t know that Greedyguts would do _this,_ you didn’t!” Playing the blame game was beside the point, right now. What really mattered was getting Buford out before anything bad happened. “Come on, we gotta go rescue him!”

“I can’t come with you, unfortunately. I have to alert the police to this whole thing and that is a whole other nightmare. However, I do have an idea where he might be at.” Mr. Moleculus gave Jacob a strange card. “Take this, it’ll allow you access to the deepest and darkest parts of the school. But be careful, it’s not exactly the most comforting of places.

Jacob nodded, before turning to Renee. “You ready?”

“Oui, let’s go save Buford.”

\------

The elevator ride to the ‘basement’ floor was musty, hot, and uncomfortable at best, as Jacob and Renee waited patiently for the ride to be over, desperate to find their friend. As the elevator descended deeper, the area around them only got darker, in more ways than one. The single light bulb on top of the elevator ceiling rapidly flickered, sometimes turning off completely and leaving the two in complete darkness, before turning on once more and continuing the cycle.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the doors opened, showing off a long and narrow corridor, littered with pieces of scrap metal and broken machinery. Looking around the area that he could see, which was illuminated by the pale light coming from the elevator, Jacob spotted a spare flashlight. Picking it up, he turned it on and was pleased to see that it still worked somewhat. “Well, at least we have a light source, now come-”

He was interrupted by a loud noise coming from the end of the long hallway, one which caused Renee to yelp and jump behind him in fear. “Uhm, do you mind? Do you mind?”

She looked around before walking away and resuming her aloof and solemn expression. “Zat did not just happen, and if you zink ozerwise, zen you are delusional.”

“Sure, Renee. Can we continue this later? We kind of have a friend to save, you know.”

“Right. Lead ze way Captain I-Know-Better-Zan-You.”

Jacob let out a light growl but didn’t say anything else. Continuing down the hallway, the condition only seemed to get worse as overgrown vines began to creep down the stone cracks and crevices and the passage seemed to get smaller and tighter the further the two went into it. It reminded Jacob of a certain horror story that Daniel had told him about, something involving a mountain fault and human-holes that only got tighter the more one went down one. But Jacob would have to push aside his irrational fear, for the time being. Buford was way more important than some silly story involving getting stuck in a hole and being stretched against your will.

Finally, Jacob could see a door, one that would undoubtedly lead them straight to Buford and by extension, _Greedyguts._ He looked back towards his partner in crime. “You ready, Renee?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, Jake.”

He pushed open the door, stepping inside. He didn’t know what to expect, exactly but all of his scenarios involved Greedyguts jumping out of nowhere and grabbing him, ready to fuse him with whatever as well.

Fortunately, the room, which was _huge,_ was empty and strangely silent, save for the hum of a few odd machines scattered around the room. Looking around, he spotted something in the middle of the room. It didn’t look like a machine, actually, it looked more like a glass tube, but it was the person inside the tube that Jacob cared about, he’d recognize that red hair from anywhere.

“Buford! I’m coming! I’m coming!” He ran toward the machine, scrambling to open the tube’s door, but once he got it open and actually got a closer look at Buford, his heart nearly dropped, both out of fear and sadness.

It _was_ Buford, but he certainly wasn’t the same person he was four hours ago. Well, he didn’t look the same, that was for sure. While he still had one normal arm and leg, his other arm and leg were replaced with that of a robot’s, metallic and cold. Jacob could feel the few bites he had of lunch begging to come up as he glanced at Buford’s face. While some of it was the same, a good portion of his right face was replaced with the sickening metal, including his eye. Against his better judgment, Jacob lifted Buford’s shirt and saw the boy’s upper torso had also been replaced as well. 

Swallowing a little bit of throw up, the boy stepped back. Was Buford turned into a cyborg? No, it was a fusion machine, wasn’t it? Poor Buford was _FUSED_ with a robot! Jacob looked to his right to see Renee running up to him.

“Zere he is- Oh. _Oh no.”_ Was all she could say before she turned away, unable to even look at the poor mess that was Buford Pugh. At least the boy was unconscious during all of this, but what _would_ they tell him when he did come to?

“Come on, Renee, we… we gotta get Buford out of here before-”

“Do you like what you see?” Jacob’s pupils dilated, looking around for the sound of that awful, awful voice. Out of the corner of his eye, the boy spotted Greedyguts walking out of the shadows, a demented grin on his face.

“What did you do to Buford?!” Jacob barked, tears streaming down his face. “You hurt him! _You hurt him!”_

“I didn’t hurt him, Two-Two. I upgraded him, made his form more… perfect. But that’s beside the point. You see, this was all a trap and all of you fell for it. You, Buford, Renee, that weirdo science guy. I _deliberately_ told Louse in front of Mr. Moleculus, because I knew he’d rat to you two, then you’d come down here, determined to save your friend, but guess who? It’s me! Greedyguts! Ready to put you in your place!”

“Mr. Moleculus is going to call the police and you’ll be in jail!”

“That might be so, but I still have time to do one last thing. You hate Renee, don’t you? Absolutely despise her guts?” Greedyguts snorted, obviously enjoying all of this.

“We might not have been ze best of friends, but I do not hate Jake! Where are you even going wiz zis, you sicko?”

“Well, isn’t that sweet. It’ll make your combination even more perfect!”

“What?!” Jacob and Renee both shouted at the same time. Did Greedyguts want to fuse _them_ into one? Oh no, oh no! This was awful, awful!

“Imagine it, a pitiful cyborg kid and a weirdo freakazoid human fusion! Just lovely! Now stay still, you little brats!” Greedyguts reached towards Jacob and time seemed to slow down. The boy knew what he thought about violence, but right now, he didn’t care. He was seeing red and had one target in mind. But what could he do? He couldn’t take down a six-foot-six and 400-pound man! Backing up against the wall, he spotted a piece of pipe and knew exactly what to do. Grabbing it in a sudden move of bravery, he jumped up smashed it as hard as he could against Greedyguts’ face.

Landing on the ground, Jacob sat up and watched Greedyguts fall to the ground. Was… was the principal dead? Did he kill him? Did he _kill_ him?! Thankfully, Greedyguts let out a pained whine and fell silent. He was alive, unconscious, but alive.

“Wow, Jacob, I didn’t zink you had it in you!” Renee exclaimed, helping the boy up.

“Thanks, Renee, thanks. I just hope he doesn’t wake up before-”

“Police! Open up!” Before he could finish his sentence, a team of policemen burst into the room, ready to arrest Greedyguts. However, all they found was three kids and an obese man who was simply down for the count.

“We… took care of it.” Jacob mused, sheepishly.

\------

While Greedyguts was being loaded into the police car for trial and while news reporters flocked to the school, determined to get the scoop, Jacob and Renee never left Buford’s side, waiting for their friend to wake up.

“Jacob, it’s getting late. We should go home and let the paramedics take care of Buford, zey’ll-” Renee was interrupted when the boy in question twitched his new robotic leg.

“He’s waking. Oh boy, what do we tell him? What do we tell him?” Jacob looked towards Renee for an answer, figuring that if anyone knew what to tell someone that they’ve been turned into a cyborg, it’d be her.

“Tell him exactly what happened.”

Jacob nodded as Buford weakly opened his eyes, gazing at the scene around him in confusion. His new robotic eye, which glowed a fierce deep red, made Jacob a little uncomfortable. “I…I… What happened? I remember waiting at the elevator and then… nothing. I… I feel different.”

“Greedyguts… hurt you.” Jacob began, watching Renee back away, obviously giving them the much-needed space.

“Hurt… Hurt me? How?” Before Jacob could answer Buford, the boy brought his new robotic arm up to his eyes, preparing to rub them, but the sight of it made him jump back. “Ah! What?!”

Buford looked over his new arm in shock, simply speechless. Meanwhile, Jacob tried to find the correct words to explain what happened. “Greedyguts tricked you, he… he fused you with a robot.”

“He… what? He…” Buford shook his head rapidly, obviously reliving something distressing. _“Oh god_. I remember. I… What did he _do_ to me?”

The boy jumped up, running towards a nearby puddle and simply stared at his reflection, as Jacob walked by him. The look on Buford’s face was horrible, he looked like he had never seen anything more horrifying than what was staring back at him.

“No… _NO!”_ He teared up before laying on the ground and shutting his eyes, trying to forget what he had seen. Jacob laid beside him and for a good long second, nobody had said anything, not even Renee. The only noise in the room was the sound of Buford’s loud and distraught sobbing.

So here Jacob was, wondering how in the world he could even begin to cheer up his best friend, who he had never seen so upset before. There probably wasn’t a solution, at least no solution to _unfuse_ Buford and the robot he had been so unfortunately merged with.

Eventually, however, the tears had to end and the two found themselves staring up at the dirty ceiling, wondering what to say next. _“I look so ugly.”_

“You do _not!’_ Jacob defended. “You just look a bit different than how you used to.”

“Obviously I _look_ different, but everyone’s gonna make fun of me now. I know they did beforehand, but now they’re just gonna make like quadruple fun. Ugh, I hate this.”

Jacob snuggled closer to Buford, trying to hide his apprehension at touching the newly-transformed cyborg’s robot parts. “I know you do, nobody is expecting you to like this! Besides, Greedyguts will never hurt you ever again, ever again.”

“Well, I guess that’s a plus, huh? I mean, at least I have you guys.” Renee gave a thumbs up, still keeping her vow of silence. “That’s all I can ask for right now, thanks, guys. Thanks so much for being there for me."

"We'll always be there for you, Buford, always. By the way, did you know that Quigley put like thirty olives in his mouth at lunch today? Thirty olives!"

"Wow, that's... that's a lot."

Jacob and Renee continued to comfort Buford over this new and distressing change, helping him relax and at least get adjusted to it enough to leave this cruddy basement area and go back home.

Of course, with such a huge change, there would be more roadblocks for the trio to overcome, but that's a story for another time.

A story for another anthology album.


End file.
